Will It Ever Get Easier..?

 Lately my mood has just been down.. Its so hard for me to accept my miscarriage right now. By Family and friends im okay i guess.. putting on that show as if im not being ate up inside.. but honestly.. somethings wrong. Every night i have those dreams.. weather its a dream of me crying and letting someone know i lost my baby or something bad happening to a loved one. I feel like one second i can smile but the next i can just cry my eyes out. I thought my “friends” would be there for me through it all.. i was wrong. Instead i get ” thousands of people go through that sooo” She didnt care.. She doesnt understand.. she doesnt get that my baby had a heartbeat but just earned his or her wings a little earlier than expected. Im terrified to try again but at the same time i just want to try again immediatey to try and fill that empty hole inside me. From family and Friends lately.. so many new babies being brought into the world. And i lost mine. Its not fair.. That was my first Angel. My baby was developed.. I seen those little arms and those little legs. Why did you put me through this god?! why? Youre breaking me down so bad lately and i just wanna feel normal again. I wanna be happy.. but you took that from me! You took my happiness away from me.  I would have almost been 4  months today.. Soon to be learning the sex.. But no.  Not anymore. I feel so ugly.. Like why did you chose me to lose my baby. I just cant.. I cant accept it. I dont know how to trust you again god.. “He gives struggles to those who can handle them” .. Im not strong enough for this. None of this. Maybe my child should have been here instead.. You didnt even give them a chance. Instead you ended their life and took part of me with it!