It’s no fun when your mind is your worst enemy. Sucks when you not only have depression, but anxiety as well. “Depression is not caring at all. Anxiety is caring too much. And having both, is a living hell” . It sucks.. It fucking sucks.
They both make you feel so low. So pointless. Makes you wonder why your still even here at times. This past week I’ve thought about suicide more often than not. My chest was so heavy I just wanted it to cave in.. but it didn’t and I am still here. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing anymore.
Today I called the doctor and schedule an appointment. I never wanted to make one because people don’t see how hard you’re fighting. They don’t see the big deal. “Get over it!” They say. “You’re just being a crybaby!” “Why do you always have to conplain” “Why are you in a bad mood?” .. I’ve heard it all. I just feel like I’m losing everything anymore. My relationship that once was beautiful is on rocks. Painfully sharp fucking rocks. I’m walking all over those rocks trying to find one that’s rounded and beautiful. One that’s safe to walk on and enjoy seeing. It crushes me thinking This is near the end of us.. the end of what’s matter for the last 7 years of knowing each other. I cant.. I can’t stomach it.
My anxiety keeps me worried all the time.. tears. Tears that I have to constantly hide. I just want my happiness back.. I want to save my relationship, to fix all the issues in my life.. I want to save my life!
Responding To Life 