Im Gonna’ Be A Mommy..

Hey guys, Its been a couple months since ive wrote anything i know.. im sorry that i havent been here. There are a couple things that are new. Back in june I started my STNA classes.. started june 29..i passed with merit role. a few points shy of honors, but i still did it. my graduation is wednesday July 29th, 2015. Im nervous because not only is it graduation..but its a life changing moment and because im a speaker at the gradution for my class. During my clinicals last week, i couldnt stop throwing up, i thought it was just from somthing i ate or medication that i had taken. ( i was attacked by bees and was on antibotics and a steriod) but even on the days i didnt take it i was becoming sick. So saturday, july 25, i took a pregnancy test. I was scared shitless when i see two lines, one slightly faded than the other. I didnt believe it at first and so i took 10 more tests between saturday evening and sunday, they all came back postive. I was so nervous and i didnt know how to tell my fiance because this was somthing completly new to us both. Its nerveracking. I let him know that there was something i needed to tell him before the day was over, and we agreed to go for a walk at one of the metro parks. we walked for a little while and i asked him if we could go sit on the bench. It was a bench high up on a hill because at the bottom was a little river. it was a beautiful scene, no doubt in my mind. We sat and we talked for awhile and i told him to close his eyes and hold out his hand.. I handed him a sandwhich baggy with a few tests inside it. I placed his other hand on my belly and i started crying. At first he didnt think it was real and i dont blame him. it was unexpected. he turned and looked at me and told me its gonna be hard but no matter what he will give his all for us. We both have alot to learn in the next 9 months for this little baby, its our first baby, the start of our little family. im excited and scared but it will all be worth it in the end. i know that no matter what hes going to be an amazing father to our baby. our baby.. makes me smile because im now going to be a mom. I didnt imagine becoming a mom so young but i know i can do it. Thank you all for reading, ill try my best to keep you guys updated. 🙂

The Untold Truth

Hey everyone, so tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. Its my first step in trying to go back to school after taking several months off from my high school graduation. I’m speaking with someone tomorrow to understand and receive more information on going to school in becoming a medical assistant. Being a medical assistant is just a starter. I would, of course, go back to school one day if everything falls through accordingly. Theres been a lot of stress lately with going back to school. I keep thinking about all the what ifs when I should just stay focused on whats important. Another thing is it seems like everyone wants something different from me. I can’t make everyone happy and I understand that. I just wish I knew what was right. In a slight way going back to school scares me.. I don’t want to have to go through my graduation day all over again. I never wrote about graduation day on here. so you guys really don’t know what im talking about… here let me explain..

June 3 of last year, my graduation day. Just started my new job two days earlier so I was feeling pretty good. I was leaving high school to a paycheck and going into adult hood. I spent the day shopping for a dress to wear under my gown. Figuring out what I was gonna wear later on that evening to a night that ill never forget. I picked a navy blue dress that outlined my collar-bone and framed my chest. I wore it with a light white Shaw. The warm breeze flowed easy through it as if I wasn’t wearing it. Everyone was at work that day so I was home alone preparing for my “big day”. I was all ready besides I needed one last thing done .. my hair. I had my significant others cousin do my hair. Time was running short and I became nervous. Seeing my parents for less than five minutes while being home-made me so much more eager to see them at my graduation. We arrive, There’s people everywhere. the stands are filling fast and people are going to their places. I look around as much as I can for my parents but never spot them. Graduation proceeds on and our names start getting called. My name. They say my name and its my turn. I pick up the lower end of my gown and I walk towards the podium. I glance the stands, the field. I glance everywhere but I still don’t see them. None of them. I receive my diploma and its time for me to walk back to my seat. The night goes on and we are all released to our families. I walk with him hand in hand looking for our parents. his family sees us and greets us with warm welcoming hugs and lots of pictures. I felt like I waited long enough so I pull out my phone and call my parents. “hey, where are you guys?” I asked.  “we left. were already at the house”…. my heart sank and I immediately cried. I walked away feeling embarrassed and heart-broken. I have no pictures of me with my family on graduation day only his family. ive never felt so heart-broken. each time I think about that day I cry. I write this blog with blurry eyes hoping that the more I write the less it will hurt and the faster I will be able to move on. it’s not the simple. pictures mean the world to me. Graduation day is a day no kid will ever forget. I have different reasons mine will be unforgettable. going to college may give me my second chance to get those pictures.

Patience

I think that we’ve all have had those moments where frustration has reached its peak and there’s that feels good of almost failure.  Failure not because you gave up,  but  because you feel as if you may not reach your goal. We’ve all have had those moments when it feels as if the weight keeps bearing on,  that hot,  steamy greasy foods just seem so good. And we’ve all have those days when your on the run  and want something quick and cheap to eat on and off the job. But at times that may not always be the best answer and decision. I’m at a point to where to Me it feels as if I’m having no such change but besides to gain. By it being only a few pounds..  To me it is an absolute few pounds too many. It always adds up.  And sometimes things start to add up quick lol. Well while I wrap this up.  I would like to end this in saying may lose who have lost their lives during the twin tower attack in 2001 rest in peace.  God gained numerous angels that day.  Fly high.