I’ve noticed you..

I watch you as you pull up my driveway.. I trace my eyes around you as trying to love every loving second I have with you. Because at times.. I’m afraid I’m on a time clock and a some point it’s going to be me having to punch out. I watch your brown eyes as you meet my appearance and smile at me.. Enjoying every smile as if maybe some point I won’t be seeing them anymore. Thoughts that I want to keep writing about .. But afraid to put it in words because what if I’m right .. Deathly afraid to think I’m right. Always hoping I’m wrong but what can I do. Going on four years with the person I grew into a woman with. Once a kid in school to now an adult.. I’ve learned so many things from you.. So many memories. I’m connected. Connected to you. I worry about small things because what if.. What if something happens. What if something goes wrong.. You say things are fine but not with much reassurance due to the among of stress building up with the purchase of our first home together. Should I stop worrying..? Should I calm down my thoughts and think less. I hate the constant what ifs running threw my head .. I’ve never had to worry bout another female.. But now you have a female partner .. She’s ten years older but some females could care less about age and still try to make a move. Regardless. I’m a female and I have a jealous side.. But what’s mine is mine and I will worry about keeping what’s mine. MINE. I need to trust you. I have to. But part of me doesn’t . You’ve never given me a reason NOT to trust you. But I’ve never dealt with this.. Because all that comes my way is bad fibes lately. Tearing me up inside as if I tiger has found its pray. I wanna be happy. I wanna not worry. But how. I’m stressed.your stressed. We have so much going on its insane. We’re busy. We’re drifting … Like a rose pettle hit by the wind.. Once as beautiful as can be.. Peddls slowly fall off and the rose loses its beauty.. The stress is pushing us away from each other and as so many quotes say ” real relationships get through it “. We’re buying a house .. A HUGEEEEEE step for us. So why am I so worried..? I just pray I’m “tripping” .. May god hear my cries and let me know everything with everyone and everything will be okay .. Because my goodness. This stress is so damn heavy.. It’s hard to breath. I wish he wasn’t such a guy smetimes and that he would understand. Guys are guys.. He’s my guy and he means more to me than I ever realized..